Welcome to the finale of the field trip.
We return back to the group who it seems took FOREVER to eat and I again bribe him to sit down. This time, giving him the remaining bag of lemon heads, anything to keep him quite and still. As they start falling out of the bag, he begins chasing them. One of his paras says, “Oh Will, not off the floor.” I look at her jokingly and say, “At this point, I don’t care if he sits down and eats the entire bag off the floor, as long as he is happy…”
Mama- 3 Autism- 3
It is finally time for the kids to get on the bus and head back to school. Will kisses me bye and gets on bus willingly. I get in my car and cry tears of relief that I have an hour before I pick him up from school. Tears of sadness that, what should have been a good day, could be altered by something as simple as rain, noise, or a break in our routine. Tears of disappointment in myself for not being better prepared. Lastly, tears of guilt for being thankful I had an hour to myself before it all started again…
But after my 10 minute cry was over, I readjusted my makeup, looked myself in the mirror and told myself to get my crap together. It is what it is and I do the best I can. At the end of the day, Will has autism…God made him perfect in his own image despite if he is wearing socks or not…walking on his tipped toes, or even hikes his pants up to his hips. God made him who he is and sometimes we all need to be reminded that we don’t have all the answers…autism consultant or not…education or not…I don’t hold all the answers.
Sometimes, God has to remind me that my strength and wisdom comes through Him, not a text-book, research or even EXPERIENCE. But, God is where I get my wisdom, my strength, and my humility. God not only allowed Will to have Autism, but GOD specifically CHOSE me to be his mother. So despite the fact that I have to carefully plan my outfits to match his mood, keep him from breaking into cars that he thinks is ours, stand in the middle of the food court in the mall totally and completely embarrassed, or have snot dripping off the end of my nose because I don’t have a free hand to wipe it, I WILL because that is where GOD placed me, and I will do it to the best of my ability even if it kills me and some days I think it will .
SO take that, you terrible no good, horrible, I-really-wanted-to-slit-my-throat-today kind of DAY….. I choose to be happy. I choose to love GOD, My LIFE, and MY CHILD WITH AUTISM…………..
MAMA- 4 Autism- 3
Will & MAMA are triumphant again!!!!!!