Part 1: One in a Million

This blog entry is one of those -just me- ones…. So here we go…

one in a million

Throughout my entire teenage, young adult and adulthood years, I have fought endometriosis, polysystic ovarian disease and was recently diagnosed with adenamyosis. All of which pertain to female reproductive issues. I had been in what you might call remission for about the last 8 years which I believed was God’s way of opening the door to getting pregnant…but it never happened…well not for real anyway…

I had a health scare back at the end of the summer 2012. I was having some issues and when I called the doctor- they worked me in that day. That made me really concerned. They did testing and had prepared me that my symptoms were often signs of ovarian cancer. During that small window of time, my thought process was- I might have cancer- so I figured I might die anyway so why did I care what I ate or if I was fat… I was also stressed and worried which isn’t a good combination.

I was so relieved when they were wrong!!! I didn’t have cancer!!!

But imagine my surprise when they discovered I was a lucky one in a million that had a pseudo pregnancy or “fake pregnancy”. It is where your body thinks its pregnant- it prepares for a baby and you present all the signs of being with child… But there is no baby. Talk about your body failing you! I felt ultimately betrayed. I viewed it as a cruel joke! Like I had been sucker punched right in the gut. I then became depressed and angry. Again not a good combination…

After the cancer scare and the fake pregnancym my body was totally jacked up! Within months – I started hurting, not just a little but a lot… And not just sometimes but all the time. Of course I immediately thought its cancer this time!!! The trip to the doctor deducted that my endometriosis was back and that because of the pseudo- pregnancy I was in the beginning stages of menopause! Within a month’s time, I went from whooo hooo I may have a baby to oh God, please don’t let me have cancer!!! to I’m THAT OLD? Needless to say, it was a very difficult time.

Unfortunately, things have only continued to get worse. I was put on the Depo Provera shot! In hopes it would reduce the pain and prolong surgery. Well, it didn’t work!!!! All it did was make me gain about 50 lbs and turn me into a hormonal lunatic! (as if I needed help!) Oh and causes my heart to race… Up to 180 beats per minute…

As if all the previous health issues weren’t enough now I am a heart patient……. According to the heart doctor, the quick weight gain from the shot, the lack of exercise, and the extreme doses of hormones were causing the heart rate increases… Oh and STRESS yea. Why on earth would I be stressed?

My family has been very supportive. I’m not easy to live with anyway, but when you’re hurting all the time, and depressed because you have gained 50 lbs of the 75+ lbs I had worked so hard to lose, you are not very nice.

After multiple trips to the doctor, (surrounded by glowing pregnant ladies) prescriptions, and many tests… I’ve given up… I just can’t fight it anymore… I’ve fought for 30+ years and I am tired… My doctor was in agreement… I need…Surgery.

To be continued…Part 2 tomorrow
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