I shared yesterday about my son’s Fabio impersonation…today I’ll tell you about what followed That!
The story only continues to get worse…. Now, I know you find that hard to believe….. how could it get worse than your eleven year old being NAKED at a public water park? Oh but trust me it can….
Now like any good mother, or one who is under much distress easily is talked into taking the kiddo to McDonald’s. We made it to McDonald’s and are sitting in the drive through. I am giving the guy my order and I begin to hear this sound of water as though it is raining…. I turn to look and much to my surprise, Will has the passenger door open, and is peeing out the side of the car while still sitting in the front seat…. What the freak…. I start yelling at him, while the order taker is pleasantly saying, ma’am, is that all? I start yelling at Will, “Can’t you wait a minute?” I jump out of the car…. , swat his legs, make him pull up his pants, and slam the car door shut…. Looking at the cars behind me, hoping to God they weren’t paying attention.
I get back in the car, apologize to the order taker for him having to wait and finish my order…. I then proceed to berate my child of all the reason we DON’T Pee out the car door…. That when we need to go to the bathroom we have to tell mama that we need to go to the bathroom and we GO IN and use the restroom we don’t use it outside, out of the car etc…
So hearing my warning, he quickly says, “pee” mama… So I tell him as soon as we have our food, we will park and go in for him to go to the bathroom… We get food and we go to park… then the most unforgettable, unexplainable, and most embarrassing thing happened EVER…..
I pull into to a parking space, and Will quickly opens the door and jumps out. I think to myself, “Dang dude really has to pee!” But low and behold, he jumps out and he starts running… But he doesn’t run towards the door of McDonald’s, he runs to the front of McDonald’s. You know the part where the bushes usually are facing the ROAD… Oh yea, he runs to that part of McDonald’s. I of course take off after him….
By the time I reach him, he has his pants down at his ankles and is peeing towards the front glass of McDonald’s with the people inside looking at him in amazement…. Not really sure if they are supposed to look away, laugh, or be disgusted. At one point noticing that everyone is looking at him, he waves at them…. YES…. He WAVES!!! The child diagnosed with severe autism is waving at the crowd… go figure…
Not knowing what else to do, I jump in front of him, in my best effort to block him from the audience behind the window…. Big mistake… He then realizes if he points it a little higher, he can pee all over me…. SO much to my dismay he pees all over me as he laughs hysterically. Can you just say I wanted to whip him all over that McDonald’s parking lot, but because he was still acting so “NORMAL” or at least like a smart mouthed preteen, I was afraid if I whipped him in the parking lot I would get arrested for child abuse… So all the way home…..
I cried…. I cried from embarrassment. I cried because I felt like a failure. I cried because I remembered I had business magnets on the side of my car that read “Above All Else Educational Services, Autism and Behavioral Consultant”…. what a joke…. I felt like an imposter….. Who on earth would want my services after the way my kid had just acted… I continued to cry for the next two days at least………..